the longing to be yours

in every sense of the meaning,

captures all distinguished seeds of pride

and waters them gently,

shelters minuscule future possibilities

from fear and despair,

mutually with

and within the knowledge of love

in every sense of the meaning…

2611

....
when you fall asleep safely while watching amelia earhart crossing the ocean
....
when reading a heartache poem and realizing you have never been alone in "this"
....
when you notice that old wounds are able to heal & you are still alive to witness it
....
when a song takes you back to the sweetest memories & you allow yourself a sigh
....
when you take a picture of someone that represents exactly how you feel for them
....
when a casted smile on someone´s face is the best reward you could ever ask for

........show you that Nothing has ever been in vain

11311

a raindrop fell…

today – onto my tongue

little sensational crystals of imagination

love, passion and creativity mingled

undefined yet healthy , along

kaleidoscopical pieces of hope

yearning for mere recognition

…it was salty

Puzzle

Words

Splinters of poison´s cold

Slowly force their reign

Into fearful flesh, again and again

No healthy excange is possible…when

Black or white is filtered from the stage of

Accusations single edged act

Where most of the grey patterns matter,

-creating the value searched for, productive & true-

Only wrong impressions form illusions that destroy

A foundation of what could have been….more.

No chance but to let go in rhymes

No sentence able to adjust the unforgiving

No verse brave enough to bleed pain on demand

No letter can express what  rumbles within

P

U

Z

Z

L

E

So why should words measure

The unspoken…what you did not see

…or feel

I had no chance,

and you flew away with it.

82610

tea-ling-cuddles-rest

..cos this hurtz

a well
of a 1000 beginnings
able to ooze
wisdom of many well spent
life potions
caresses my uneducated heart,
helping me to find
self
in swirls of a too big a sea
and like an island
you maneuver stability
and understanding
into place, a haven
to those, whos hands eagerly
reached out
hoping for a knowing smile,
and they received even more
-parts of you
so beautiful and strong
molded by certain pathways
downfalls and chin ups
your heart was created to love,
obey and serve
to tiny bits in this universe
spoken and written - absorbed
one unique respectful soul
has meanings beyond the ordinary
and plant peace comfortably
across this ocean too

thank you.

:)

Viola Johnson

...a Source of Motivation

if only

i could stop thinking

.....for one minute...in precious time

stop the nagging uneasiness

questioning an unforseeable future

with

or without her...................................?

asking the moon for advice

for she has seen many souls riding across the sky asking „what if „ and „why“ ...

but

like hollow echoes in a hemisphere of obsessed fools

seeking wisdom in universe´s grounded lap

no answering sound penetrates my receiving ear

wait –

what´s that slight tune

burning the bridges of my pristine loneliness

is that aspiration i hear.....?

enthralled by love´s former simplicity

i allow memories to put aside fears of disappointment

for sixty short little hypnotized moments

freedom of innocent enchantment kisses my heart and creates a fascinated smile on my twisted lips...

sacrifizing my whole existence to this infatuated instant

leaving all doors open to be filled with faith

for this has to become a sheltering experience

..a welcoming peace of a treasured mind

.....a beautiful healthy home ...........a....................................

„Toc“ .....

if only i could stop thinking

...forever

6-15-08

sp2x

( always fits)

completely out of it....!

i want to write poetry...*diggin in my tumbleweed mind for leftover creativity*

nope - aint the time yet.

ever had serious conversation with self? lol...

the thorn of  life´s misconception
piercing my flesh
like a dominant lash, relentlessly
marking my back
unworthy being  ,  futile waste of air
crawling, fighting still
for reasons to be

stairways
…so steep


….push…….pull….
move…break…fall back

encouraged just the same
time loops chant their refrain
back at zero, collecting strength relics
happiness right in front of me
just a paltry peek away
but always out of reach…

(back to nothing 6-5-10)

Alegria,

charismatic Chansons of Creativity
and welcoming worthy Wonders
shine Serendipity´s sweet Song
above all Alignments available…

Alegria,
a Blueprint of
Your Soul.

51310

(thursday night freeflow)

freedom -
just one syllable away
hidden in the backyard of a narrowed mind
buried between the limitations of unused possibilities
& the wish to simply escape stillstand...

freedom -
just one word banned
continuously colliding with unshed tears of pride
& tumbleweed promises...

"yes"
wont break a mind´s chains
if never spoken...

5610

Angel

emotional overload

tears flow incoherently

foolish forward forces

burn sold limitations

-signals of rejection-

under my  skin

my soul hurts.

my mind

a mere splinter of good intentions

turns  actions into vanishing serendipity

swallowed by the HERricane

a body made of desires

only re-acts to manufactured pattern

and my heart…

my heart

paints muted screams alive

visible to only the inner me

there, where longing reigns

in chaotic fire…

reborn  through ashes

wings still bound and weary

unworthy

i seek redemption in freedom´s lap

words, unnecessary

and pain

a pleasure…

5610

Transparency



The knife
Turning slowly
Catapulting pain in steady waves
From my back right into the receiving muscle
Fading from red healthy
To pale dead…

One beat away
Sneer´s celebrating laughter awaits satisfaction
A cheery applause to welcome doom
Blueprintz of returning circles
In my predictable prophecy
I hide , again…

“awe”

Crystal clear water surrounds my soul
Washed clean by innocent´s gentle whiff
I forever remain the wounded hero
Sacrifized through passionate meander
Biased for the sake of being
Love keeps wearing the mask of
Self deception---

War

What is it that moves you?

What leaves you dancing at sanity´s edge

Holding back understanding … rather

Tossing agony´s angry dirt

Into my face, heart

Frequently

Yet undeniably….solid

Rocks between legs that stumble already

Victimzed? Not really…i am still winning

…somehow

Compromised? Maybe, about  to

Lose parts of my fertile land…for you

I bend my pride , my Existence….

What is it that moves you?

What leaves your soul painstained

Defending grounds of the unknown

Barbed wire fences rip flesh off my hands

Reaching in….through lessons willing to learn

Yearning to be acknowledged

…reborn

Coming out of safety´s comfortable embrace

Falling into the abyss of unbreakable boundaries

Torn..cold…

…………sacrifized

What is it that moves you?

Love is here.

42710

dotz
...........
from alpha
to omega
and right back........
...
..
.
the Circle of life spinning the Wheel of Fortune
 asking me to buy a "S" to connect the "oul"
for it needs Protection
& Love
to remain whole
....reaching out....

.....empty Pockets
........empty Heart
Nothing
 ..but
dotz
..
.
Crystal Echoes
fill the air between unsaid Thoughts
and Movements of fearful Words
..
.
could - should - would & if
.
..

almost could feed a Regret
one of those which keep you guessing
if starving the Possibilities of "giving in"
would be a better Solution
or should the sweet Imagination
be just that...
....sweet
as the Silence
that surrounds my meaningless Walk
through Space
..through your Mind
...through Our Memories

i 'd cry some more
so None of Everything we shared
was invain...
...but all I have left
from alpha's inviting Ride
is
dotz....

sweet relief, kisses ever so sweet
placed upon my hair,
sweaty still from ongoing torture
rusty nails of selfdoubts scratching beyond surface,
a skin so thin
rejected, frightened by righteous lies
filling half empty glasses...with even more
blasphemy--
chambers of misleading accusations
chains of unmotivating hate
spit me , a creature loved,
out

merely trusting ocean views & human warmth
grains of happiness irking my eye
darkness chants my name , lustfully alert
my body aches to reminisce pain...home
abducted from formerly reality, light caresses
soft yet assertively, even my shadows
give in to exhale
...



11209

Ms. Max Rulz has spent many years in front of the camera and has now found expression on the other side. Having directed in detail how her photo shoots were to be done, she gives that same detail to the photos’ she takes. Affectionately called kaleidoscope mind by her family, this instinct is portrayed in her work.

“My taste runs to the eclectic so why would not my expression? My style is my ability to morph into different styles” Max Rulz likes to put her unique spin on the photographs she takes. “Sometimes I just see more color, more shapes, these are simply a showing of the pictures in my frame of mind.”

i recomment - get your pictures today!

TIRED!

nuff said...

(inspired by Joy)

The satisfaction takes place

Where there has never been a slight

Hint of a real possibility

But She did

……pick me

Innocent first little baby steps

Walking wires of pixels and bits

A foundation established easily

Yes, She did

……pick me

Before 5 senses completely involved

Comfort opened hearts and minds

Where Trust gave chances already

This is why

She did

……pick me.

I am
One in a million of blind stigmata
Choking my unborn screams for love
Still forming bubbles of your  tempting silhouette
Unreachable….yet dangerously close
Swallowing all  fertile forward movements
Playing back and forth inside out
Connections
Broken to serve glances of goodness
Building a Queendom of everlastingness
A kiss of life
Hoping to escape  precasted fate
…I am

Filled  with nothing
But the holes
… You left behind






110109

caught by surprise, just an instant, a blink
pressed against the wall, unable to move
to think -
merely a wish, casted unseen
as She awaits Her dish ,
teased - and still, i smile
through leather strokes, flesh - mutually pleased
sudden pain collapsing pride´s invain game
causing salty drops of passion upon
all lips - and strong, i remain
catching Her eye, molesting mine with Lipstick whispers
teeth deep in my skin, bruised for rebirth, ready
to allow Her in - where there is room for two
or three, four and so much more pleasure, giving up
control of body/ soul, trembling, fearfully shaking
no more contemplating - yes, i am Hers
undeniably,
and
there is no universe to chant
(2)
in dis-agree-men(d)t

thank You !

.
.
.

3710

Renew

Like a
thousand Teardrops
from a foreign Face
I watch wasted Water
washing Memories
off my mendable Window
and let
Rain..renew this
splendent Soul

Outside my obviously
scarred Skin
my Heart starts sipping Holy
love-lifted Liquor

cleansed by Cotton Clouds-
this very submissive Sky
vulnerably vanishs to
give Glory &
greets graciously
warm welcoming & Worthy
Sparkles of the surrendering Sun-
brought back by
You...

yes,
while I´m still yearning
in Your yielding Warmth
I begin to believe in Beauty
again,
within my shining
Self

.....and my love paintz every sky orange
orange,
like hope that keeps us happy
lets us  dream and stay content
orange,
like the confidence
that  keeps teaching us
to believe in hope...




8-20-09

Chill Time


every story
has three sides
mine
yours
and
the truth

betraying shadows gliding
along walls of cold perception
cruel masquerade hiding
behind green glowing eyes
jealousy a nasty infection
my mind a tributary compromise
.

groaning noise escapes
teary visions silhouettes
undefined creepy scrapes
heavy shivers through my bed
hedonic pleasures false and bland
alone lost in paradox assumptions
reflections of your shadows hand
put off final seductions
.
no ghosts ever scares as such
an unfaithful lovers touch





102609

You didn´t say it
but i can feel
a vulnerable soul
dressed in scars and barbed wire
security walls
gets unbalanced so easily
the fear of falling
....letting go
.....losing control
holds back all
You have to offer

You didn´t ask me
to kiss it better

i just did

.
.
.
(oldie but always appropriate)

Let me be Your coat
shelter You from cold and negative influences
so Your day will be carefree and filled with warmth
Let me be in Your shoes
walking comfortably all miles and crossroads
so Your feet can rest a day
Let me be Your comfort zone
a place to hide, an unmasked haven
so You can be just You,
weak and strong, soft and stern,
lost and found.....
if only for a minute..let me

2110

sometimes my heart bleeds tears
unreasonable counterblows of sadness
force happiness to kneel
before a helplessly stumbling attempt
to keep hope alive....

inside my insight knows whats best
to remain bold and strong and...simply..be
but outside of sanity´s security
i just want to breathe through pain
so my shoulder keeps offering peace
to Your existence...

´.
.
.
2110

Can I rest my heart in your hand
Comfort zoned , free fall
Can I……?
Trust you enough to smash
The essence out of  the experience
Lingering in the back of my mind

……I crave you

Arms so strong, a bossom made
For only my cheeks to rest on
Spooning, overnight holding
Inhaling angel wings blissfully enchanted
Paradise must feel like this

Yes, I felt it in your kiss
Passion undeniably tattoed upon my soul
Magnetism of unknown sources
Pulling sense out of my blood
Simply, to sip it up with the straws
I hold on to

……I want you

Countless nights,  days even
Paralysing the essential will
To breathe, perform my role
Unable puppet knows nothing
But instinctively drawn
Toward the one who holds the strings
still……


……merciless

I am a restless mess






110309

Mother,
for I was foolish enough
to have your back and
defend your re-actions
those, I didn..t understand
...back then
I focused on losing track
with you

and now,...after
false Vanity,
misplaced Consideration
& uncomfortable Setbacks
following every lost step
out of Pride
I still long for
...You
.....could see what I felt
........still feel
while reaching out to design
a Foundation of proper Trust
without weak subservience
-Both ways-

believe me
I try to do my best
simply, to be Good
in all my unstable actions
for We know there must be
a bond of mutual Respect
a Guarantor for our Bloods
carry the same Name
-forever-

and now..Mother,
forgive me if I cannot forget
irrelevant counterblows
& sources of forced downfalls

but I am willing
to forgive...

(oldie)

when she reads me poetry
all angels unite to
celebrate a new born day
in a world of uncertain tomorrows
where Oleta and Anita
and even Patti
are forced to leave the stage of
soulful sanging
cos my heart is only banging
for my Queen of Words

when she reads me poetry
percussion pads & drum rolls
of hatred and destruction
have no place in my peaceful blood
no room for disgusting lies &
traumatising beats of fake alibis
-cos Honesty
is our fertile symphony-


seductive bongos create this ultimate
foundation of trust....deep inside
strings made of comfortable laughter
hold my weary heart high up to the sky
kissed once more..i exhale a melody
one , hummingbirds only can hear
...one, that ignores all my fear
......one, simply there to let us become
whole



when she reads me poetry
a simple tune
defines a perfect song
inside of me



She is Music to me

Perhaps I´d feel better

If you´d stay away for a while

Measuring pro and contra

Discipline longings and misfortunate expectations

Assuming the least could be the most?

Stop it

You are not me!

Maybe things would be easier

If scales unbalance slightly and kisses

On exposed emotions would cover insecurities

Differently…yet -  still so undinably

Strong..hurting only one?

Stop it

You are not me!

By any chance

Why allow yourself drowning in my sphere

Covering hurting stages of neglected leftovers

With my sweetness, my granted charmes

Ina – a freeflow-easy go- who doesn’t know

Any better…..?

Just stop it

You are not me!

012710

(wednesday freeflow)
.
.
.
the older I get
more years…experiencend fears
of rejection and punished priorities
the more
i love … myself
cos no one else will
the way I deserve
the Best… life has to offer
peace of mind..the unique kind
one that’s capable to free fantasy
and reality….combined
flowing through outwashed vains
without any domestic shame
I claim
Myself
Perfectly
Intuned
with ying , in colourful bloom
and yang, end of being- sacrifized
just one last compromise
as i give in
to solitude
the ultimate freedom – deep within

012710

tin drums sing along
with cabasas
laying down in angel flutes
it feels so warm
this peace inside
oh so warm...

(...Eyes closed...)

I can`t hide
under my white innocent coat of
pride
while the earth starts trembling
these feet won`t carry me nowhere
mesmerized by dark brown eyes
I feel my lips tasting maroon dust
sliding into my lungs
no compromise....but
if I just stop breathing
to one beat of the seductive bongos
just to taste this moment

please make me
.....soulscreaming.....
please take me

percussions lifting my longing body
higher & higher
lifeless limbs hanging
while drums keep banging
silence into confusion
the sky lays red in waves
awaiting....fire
I´m wax in her hands
tongues tease desire
my cells are dancing to every beat
and the horizon...the horizon
whispers my name dangerously sweet

"Hush...you want Love
......you need Love"

passionate full lips are smiling
movement into my bones
the bleeding heart exposed
and her seed under my skin
invisible strings playing my role
I´m ready to give in
ready to agree to the
whatever
forever
and suddenly
I´m in Control

(....Eyes wide open....)

i apologize for all the Kisses
You never felt
those Lips should have been cherished
like statuesque Awe – memorized for generations
to always recognize the meaning of Devotion

i apologize for all the Feelings
You could never expose
Strength held on to what kept You
growing inside walls of Self deception
where a 3 year old girl´s playground
was swallowed by disappointment &
lost instincts closed doors – no revolving allowed

i apologize for the Love
You have never encountered
The ultimate Good – free from nagging
doubtz and shady Circumstanzes spelling “buts”
across beautiful Hues painted on fairytale Canvas
knowing by One single beat of the Heart
that this …is enough
to feel Kisses
exposing Love
simplified

i apologize….

.
.
.

011910

(a dedication)

Tiny Bitz



You belong into my Life
Into the depth of my Insecurities
and between all layers of felt Emotions
You belong
....Deep inside....
Where my Softness allows only
Tiny Bitz of Circumstances to touch
What makes me who I really am
Love...
One that is capable of transmitting Peace
by simple Understanding and Acceptance
of the Given

.......Accept the Given, Baby......

Then dive and follow my Soul to sacred Happiness
a Haven filled with unpredictable Laughter &
Welcoming Possibilities of a solid Future
Together or Apart....
........Isn´t the Question
..............at All

What actually  counts is the Meaning
of the Moment
When two Hearts beat in one Language
and Snapshotz of Fate´s Kiss allow us
to exhale in undefined Unity.....
So again, Love
guides my Tongue
towards Your existing Beauty
licking off Tears and Bitterness without Judgement
consuming the Wholeness of You
to welcome it in my Life
Right
where You belong......

Integrity Self

(inspired by Xada and Sassy )



At times
There is not much left
Of me….the one
Whos continuously at ease to please,
Peacefully contacting tomorrows undelivered future
For I make room to spread my love
From below to above….calling saints
Plant indestructible seeds of fulfilling promises
So you can rest your weary heart
Without any evil constraints

Those times
Countless hours anathemetize my own goals
Diving for lost souls
Replenish a gaping hole
Here……and there
……I lose myself
Inside my Integrity
To keep on smiling
Even when the brutality of reality
Takes turns on my “ sweetie wanna be”
Philosophy….

So sometimes
I may curse the day we met
Cover my fantasies with bloody symptoms of regret
And permit hate
To build a path to my obnubilated spirit
Where silence reigns
In freedom´s remains

…But

Faith taught me
Rectitude wont allow me
To stay on it …..


092409

Detached....Floating...
Walking in Space
Greeting  Spirits of the
Long gone Good Ones
Orbits compose sweet Symphonies
For my bruised Core
To sleep in...rest in
...Weep in
Calling out Names of yesterday´s Loves
Faces display then vanish like Summer Breezers
At ease....i levitate across the Sky
Paradise above and beneath
Worries dont appear clear
Dont even dare to come near
My Heart paints Smiles on Clouds
Stars tickle my Hair with
Freedom of Laugher......
 
If this is death
Why did i live?






7-18-08
 

She wanted to possess me
every-thing and all
that defined my existence
Merciless,
destined to break me - force me
to my knees, facing dusty leftovers
of flirtatious reluctance

…She surrounded me..
lips licking
…clocks ticking…
waiting for the perfect time
…grabbing..shaking…..
removing stone for stone slowly
collecting each, only to be able to
throw em back at me
- if needed in Selfdefense…

Her hands now on my throat,
hindering life to explore beauty
voiceless..trusting demanding whispers
i lay, completely exposed to Her will,
heartshot and mindfuck, collide like orbitz
and still unsatisfied - She digs deeper
deeper where my love´s decay hides
my soul - Her soil´s desired pleasure
eyes meet…greed unfold to roam
reflections ooze to become one
us..

…and i loved it
..i wanted it
i had to…give in

to Her offering pain
humiliating my senses, my pride
and in every smile expressed while pulling my hair
i witness the little girl She has been hiding inside
the vulnerable innocence - wished to be held
the cry for understanding , a female´s vow to be seen
at last ,
in Her entire, beautiful complexity

and
i love it
for i want it
i have to …nurture it

the urge of simplicity´s kiss
warmth exchanged and respectfully taken in -
becomes a destination for two

.
.
.

123009
( just sum incoherend scribble)

(off da top)

it is You
who holds my thoughts hostage
cold shivers caressing my spine, as every pore
keeps responding to a subtle breeze…in my direction
unworthy, i don’t think so
good enough, i do not know
but actually – nothing really matters
underneath the lids which consume magic
create tragic - wanted, i must admit…
Your eyes invite me in …over and over again
pride, lost in yesterdays longing uncertainty
now a mere smother upon a former brats mouth, only
verbs and vowls chanting Your Beauty alive
mingle upon my tongue, my heart
producing serenades of free falling
into You..
giving
in…to
verbalized emotions, incoherently
however -
mind, body and soul
do not longer
belong to me…..
.
.
.
.
.
.

011210